::Happy Birthday:: Card

I've had this design itch recently that I just can't seem to scratch. Hence my visiting teaching handouts and the one soon to come for November. So when a friend's birthday was coming up I just had to make the card myself :) Here it is for all to bask in it's glory and use if you would like. If you want to print it card style then do the page set up landscape with the image on the far right. Then print, fold, trim.

All Hallows Eve

I have always loved Halloween. As soon as late September hits and I start seeing all the purple, black and orange in the grocery stores I start to do little cartwheels in my mind. My mind rejoices over the familiar smells from cheap synthetic fabric, fog machines and the aroma of all your favorite candies marinating in one bag. Plus Halloween always meant that my birthday was just around the corner.

This year I lacked a yard to put fake spider webs in and we don't really have a front porch for a carved pumpkin, so I was feeling unusually unfestive. So when one of my dear friends Amanda told me she was having a Halloween party I left her a voicemail insisting it be a costume party. And guess what?! She decided to make it a costume party! It probably was of her own reasoning, but I like to think it was the persuasive devices I employed that brought about the final decision.

I was so excited to get all dressed up and Michael and I had the perfect idea. Mario and Luigi! We wanted to do this costume last year but our old singles ward said it was "cross-dressing" and wouldn't allow it at their party! Boo! (no-pun intended) So this year, we were all over it. I went a few weeks before Halloween to the DI to find some overalls for our outfit. After Amy supporting me through nearly an hour of painfully searching the DI for overalls and costumes all I had to show for it was a pair of womens overall shorts. I don't think Michael would have been too happy with this even though he told me to get whatever I wanted and we could dress up however I wanted. So sparing my husband's thighs from that public humiliation, I resorted to picking through the costume section of DI and I actually found a gem. It was a pink, black and white womens pirate costume for only $8! Anyone who knows me knows A) I love to thrift and B) I LOVE a good deal. So of course I was all over that. I also found some weird leather/netted hat thing for Michael and figured we could piece the rest together.

Unfortunately I figured out my costumes so far ahead of time for Michael and I that I forgot about poor Toby. The little guy's costume was thrown together only an hour before the party. I had a bee costume that he had worn when he was smaller. This is a picture from Halloween of 2009 when he was buzz-tacular in his little get-up:


When I put Toby in this costume this year the little stinger was like 2 inches away from his butt...a wee bit too small, but it still fit. So I was like, sure this will work. Easy and done! However when Michael came to see what I was doing his face turned all twisted and weird. And he said "Get him out of that! He looks miserable! Look at him!" Toby, ears back and tail tucked, looked up at us and stood awkwardly as if trying not to touch the costume even though it was on his body. He refused to walk anywhere even when a treat was dangled in front of his nose. Michael was absolutely mortified and said Toby looked "pathetic and ridiculous! He doesn't even resemble a bee! Where are his antennas?!" The scene suddenly evoked childhood memories from the movie "A Christmas Story" when Ralphie is forced to put on that humiliating pink bunny pajama outfit and his Dad is outraged.

I could just hear us as Mr. and Mrs. Parker in my head:

"He looks like a deranged insect!"
"He does not!"
"He does too! He looks like a black and yellow nightmare! Toby are you happy wearing that?"

So we decided to go an alternate route and make Toby a rapper. Our inspiration was Nelly. Michael was much happier with this idea. I don't think it turned out too bad considering how quickly we threw it together. And Toby seemed to feel a lot more confident as a tough rapper dog ::wink::

The party we went to at Amanda and Jared's was a ton of fun. They always know how to put together a good shin-dig. I even made a pretty intense pumpkin roll to bring that was a hit. Jared and Amanda (after years of persuasion and a little bullying) finally dressed up as Pam and Jim. Overall the night couldn't have been more of hit! Here are some pictures to wrap it up and show off all our awesomeness.

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

Birthdays are always great, but I have to say that my birthday this year "takes the cake." This year my birthday fell on a Saturday which meant I didn't have to go to work or partake of any non-birthday, normal routine-ness. We had the whole day to celebrate ME! ::wink:: What really made this birthday exceptional though was everything Michael did from sun-up to sun-down.

There is absolutely nothing better or more nostalgic than waking up to the smell of delicious bacon frying in a pan somewhere within the confines of your home. That was the fantastic aroma that floated into my room and forced my eyes open on the morning of my birthday. Michael fixed me a yummy breakfast of all my favorite breakfast items. Cinnamon toast, sausage with syrup on it, bacon, scrambled eggs and orange juice.


He asked me if I wanted my gift now or later, so of course I said "Now!" So he took out his phone and showed me the cutest pair of boots. He had taken some pictures I had on Pinterest of boots I liked and searched all over the mall to find ones that were the most similar. My jaw hit the ground almost immediately. Michael doesn't just hate shopping...he loathes it! It is the vain of his existence. So to find out that he had spent a couple hours doing nothing but searching every store in the mall for womens boots was the best gift of the day by far.

Michael then forced me to go take a relaxing shower and get ready while he cleaned the entire house. It was amazing!!! When I finally exited the bathroom my house sparkled and smelled so clean. It was like I had some super awesome self-clean mode on my house....or a really sweet husband who worked really hard :) Then he had me relax and watch TV while he cleaned the bathroom and shower and got ready himself.

Next, we went to the mall and I had the sweet gratification of getting the boots my little heart so desired without having to do all the work and annoying searching. I also got a new pair of flats for work because it was buy one get one 1/2 off and Michael was very persistent that I must need a second pair -lol-

(These are my beautiful new boots)

After that he took me to GameStop and I got to pick out a new game for the Wii! So I picked Epic Mickey. Equally easy and artsy...equaling a very Sarah-esque video game.

(notice the paintbrush in his hand?...like I said, it's a very Sarah game)

He was very cute about the whole thing. He wouldn't tell me where we were going when we were inside the mall. He just kept looking at the mall maps and pulling me along. He would even fake me out by passing a store and then yanking me around back into it really quick. Then we got me some new lotion from Bath and Body Works and afterward went to the coolest candy store ever. I can't remember the name, but they have all these fantastic candies I remember from when i was a kid like Milk Maids, Root Beer Float Barrels, those Caramel and Creme German candies and every other kind of candy you could ever imagine. You take a little basket and put however many of each candy you want in the basket. Then when you're done they weigh the candy and you pay per oz...kind of like all these yogurt places nowadays, but with CANDY!

For lunch we went to Jamba Juice which j'adore or for those non-French speaking readers, "I adore". Then I played my new video game with Michael for a couple hours whilst we sipped away on our smoothies. I even wore my new boots the whole time because I didn't want to take them off! Once I got the hang of it and was okay to be left alone Michael slipped off into the kitchen to make my surprise dinner. I wasn't sure what he was concocting in there but I knew I smelled Worcestershire sauce and garlic, which you can basically put on mud and I'd be a fan of it. But of course, being the magnificent chef that Michael is, the meal was way better than mud. We had delicious steaks, lemon and garlic asparagus and herb roasted potatoes + sweet potatoes. It. Was. So. Yummy.

I was then forced to continue playing my video game and to pick a movie to rent while Michael cleaned up. Knowing the chances for me to watch a chick flick without hesitation are far and few between I picked "Something Borrowed" for us to watch. After going to Red Box to get the DVD we came home and put candles on a tiny carrot cake Michael got for me (my favorite), sang Happy Birthday and ate our cake with Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.


I don't care if everybody else in the world thinks those things are disgusting together, but I enjoyed every bite because they are my favorites!! The movie was surprisingly good and if had Jim from The Office in it so of course Michael and I were fans. In the middle of the movie I got one last birthday surprise which was my favorite snack in the entire universe...homemade guacamole. Mmmm. I think I gained about 5 lbs on all the stuff Michael fed me all day, but it was so totally worth it.

I know that was a very long and rambling blog, but the jest of it is this. Awesome husband = Awesome birthday. The best part was that he had thought out every little part and that's what I really love most. Is telling that someone really thought about you. Thank you dear for the best of all 24 birthdays I've ever had :)

Bewitching Women of Faith

So I have been really bummed recently that I haven't gotten a calling in mine and Michael's new ward...even AFTER dropping some not so subtle hints to the Bishop. However my hint dropping did get Michael a calling as Sunday School Executive Secretary...so at least one of us has been utilized -lol-

Anyways, the Relief Society session of General Conference a few weeks ago got me thinking that I need to make Visiting Teaching my calling. And I don't think there's a time more opportune than now to do so. In the past my handouts have just been little quotes and such, but when I think back on the Visiting Teachers I really liked I remember that it was because I could feel a distinct effort in their lesson and little treats for me each month.So in an attempt to emulate that, this month I made my own unique little handout and am making my girls chocolate chip pumpkin cookies...complete with a festive jack-o-lantern plate.


Anyways, I didn't know if anyone else might want to use this handout I made, so I figured I could put it up for people to copy/download. I made it at 300 ppi so it should be large enough to vary any size handout you like.

Hopefully I will have something fun each month like this to post that others can use :)

ALIC Presents: Clippety Clobbered

I really enjoy my job, but going through the same motions day-in and day-out can get incredibly monotonous over time. So I am always looking for things to break up the day and make me laugh. One of the most consistent sources of success in this endeavor is reporting claims. I work for a workers' compensation company, so we cover employee injuries that happen on the job. Part of my job is reporting the claims we recieve to a national database for statistical reporting, rate adjustments, etc. To do this I get to read how each incident happened and the nature of the injury. I then assign it a bunch of standardized codes and total how much money we paid out for each aspect of the claim. In doing this, I often come across bizarre circumstances that can't help but make me laugh. Here are some recent ones that I just had to share.

(To maintain confidentiality I will not name names or companies in these incidents)

1) An employee was feeling nauseated so they ran to the bathroom to throw up. While over the toilet they fainted from disgust and fell onto the toilet, lacerating their head. They were later discovered passed out next to the toilet by a coworker. (Kind of sad, but pretty funny.)

2) An employee was carrying a box and slipped on ice. The box flew from their hands and smacked a coworker in the head. Two claims, one incident aka: two birds one stone (or box).

3) An employee working in a warehouse area was wearing a baseball cap and hoodie, with the hoodie pulled up on his head. Due to his restricted vision, he didn't see a large beam and walked straight into it,causing a laceration on his face.

4) (This one takes the cake.) A glasswork employee was trying to break a piece of thick plate glass. To do so, he removed his shoes, stood on the glasswork table and stomped on the glass, resulting in multiple injuries and lacerations to the feet. (I want to know what this guy's thought process was. And I want to fire him for idiocy.)

What Happened To My Goat?!

Working in the creative industry opened my eyes in a way that is both a blessing and a burden. What am I talking about? Well why don't you just ask Michael what it is like to watch a movie or TV with me?

"Green screen!" "That's totally c.g." "This scripting is horrible." "Was this ad made in 1992?" etc. etc.

Alright, maybe I've turned into a bit of a marketing/movie snob. So sue me!

Anyways, we usually watch Netflix so I am not burdened with the 9 out of 10 bad commercials every break, but I have been watching Hulu and am cursed yet again with commercial viewing. Every once in a while there is something that is totally freaking awesome, but most of the time they're just a waste of time off of my TV show. Why do I only get 43 minutes of Grey's Anatomy istead of a full 60? I feel totally jipped. When commercials come on I feel the same way I feel when I get a giant wad of newspaper in my mailbox full of useless ads to "Current Resident" or a "**S@tisfy Your L@dy!" spam email. (By the way crappy marketers, I'm a woman who doesn't care about satisfying other women.)

I'll stop ranting and raving there (because I could probably go on for ages) and move on to the reason for this post. My recent Modern Family marathon on Hulu has been continually interrupted by my painful viewing of this ad from Heifer International.

So let me get this straight:

Someone donates their goat (which I don't know about you, but we just have too many around to handle these days) to a family. This goat then provides the family with milk and wool and eggs (??...perhaps it was a goat/chicken hybrid that awesomely lays eggs AND is a goat) and they sell their products which then makes them money. {yay!} Then their goat has a baby (via immaculate conception?) and they now have two goats. So now that nice family gives the baby goat to their neighbors, and eventually everyone in town has a goat. (Which according to the numbers in a village with say, 15 families and factoring in that the baby would have to mate with it's mom and for the sake of ease saying that only girl goats were born and there was one boy goat AND that immediately after being born the goat then conceives that same day...it would take just over 2 years). Then everyone will have goats, consequently enabling the supply & demand principle which means the price of wool and milk and eggs (?) would get driven down. The lack of profits and income would then drive everyone back into poverty, requiring them to eat their goats to survive.

I think I will just send them the money that it would cost to ship a goat halfway across the world instead. Thank you for wasting 30 seconds of my life Heifer International. And if people like this are in charge of saving third world countries, I'm seriously skeptical if we will ever be able to pull them all out of poverty.

Eyebrows

Getting up at 7am and being alone in the bathroom while I'm getting ready often leads to my mind wandering. This morning I had a particularly interesting thought, "Why do you think God gave us eyebrows?"

So I thought about it, and came up with these three reasons.

1. "He wanted us to be able to show emotion with more than just our eyes and our mouth."

2. "Maybe He thought our face was too blank with just a forehead and eyes, so He needed one more thing to put there."

3. "He knew that some day, girls would want to wear makeup, and they needed a line so that they knew where to stop."

I think that all three of these answers are correct and have complete validity.


Also, what does it mean that God DIDN'T give Whoopie Goldberg eyebrows?
(Stop trying to suck up to Him, Whoopie. He's already made up his mind.)