To'short

I had winter-foot-itis and was ready to get rid of it, so today I got a pedicure. I love pedicures because: 1) I get a leg massage. 2) Freshly painted toenails are the bees knees.

So I get to the nail salon and a little Vietnamese woman takes me to a pedicure chair. I immediately turn it on full back massage and pick up the closest tabloid. As I am enjoying the little jacuzzi for my feet the Vietnamese woman says something. As usual I have no idea what she is saying so I ask her to repeat herself. After about three times I realize what she is saying. "Yo toes to'short." Really?? Jerkface. I wanted to tell her she was too short, but then I figured she probably wouldn't understand. So I gave her a half smile and pretended to be fascinated in a picture of Taylor Swift at some charity thing. There goes my career as a foot model and my self esteem all in one swift blow.

I have decided that in my next life, to avoid this same conversation I will have these feet instead of my baby marshmallow toes.

iPhone 4

For a couple of weeks now my sister Genevieve has been jonesin' for a new iPhone 4. Being the pushover that I am and since I quite literally have nothing else to do I told her I would wait in line with her all night so she could get one. I thought I would regret that but it was probably the strangest, yet most fun experience I have had in a while.

4:00 AM: We showed up because we didn't feel the need to be one of the weirdos with a tent, etc who was there all night. The line was outside of the mall and only about 20 people deep. Suckas! We slept in our beds and are only just barely behind you in line. But as time went on and we decided to venture, we quickly saw that every entrance of the mall had at least 20 people waiting to storm in. Crap. So we got our strategy down. The doors would open at 5:00 AM and we would get in the two lines that were closest to the Apple store and see who could get the best spot in line. Genius, I know.

5:00 AM: Some poor security guard shows up to unlock the door and everyone's mouths start foaming as they press their sneakers into the cement, ready to run. The 19 year old guard in a Smokey The Bear get up sheepishly tells us not to run, etc. and that the lines will meet up at the entrance of the store with everyone maintaining their spot in line. After opening the door all goes well for about .35 seconds when someone decides to run. Our basic animal instincts of survival of the fittest kick in as we all start trampling down the door and sprinting through the empty mall. The scene was somewhere between a stampede of wildebeests from Planet Earth and the zombies in the 1970's Dawn of the Dead. Genevieve's line ended up being way closer than mine so we were actually within the first 75 or so people. Behind us were at least a few hundred others. As far as we're concerned we survived the worst of it, now we just have to wait for the doors of the store to open and we will be set. Wrong.

7:00 AM: As we are sitting and enjoying free Chic-Fil-A, Nestle cookies and Smart Water something weird happens. It is comparable to the beginning of America's Got Talent or a concert as all the geeky guys who work at Apple begin running from the food court down our line. They are screaming and holding out their hands for high fives. Nerds receive few glory days, so they had decided to make the most of this one. At this point they tell us that there is going to be a second line forming on the opposite side of the store for Preorders. They tell us that for every 50 people they let go from Preorders they will let 5 people go from our line. Crap. All this time masses of people have been showing up and we're probably up to at least five or six hundred iPhone hungry people. Then over half of the line proceeds to go to the other line while I silently weep in the corner over the injustice Apple has created. Of course we all TRIED to preorder, but their website just couldn't handle the traffic of over half the US population trying to preorder at once. I felt discriminated against. The rich, fast internet connection owners were sitting pretty while all of us low class dial up and slow connection peasants were moved to the bottom of the totem poll.

They start letting people in and I hate every person who walks out the door with an iPhone 4 as they wave it in the faces of everyone in our line. We aren't moving at all while the preorders are cycling through quickly. The 50:5 ratio was true in every sense.

10:30 AM: We are about 10 feet closer to the entrance of the store. I can't tell if it's because we are actually moving or now we are all breathing down the neck of the person in front of us. All the while we have maintained our spirits because we have been continually reassured that our position in line is basically guaranteed an iPhone, it's just a game of waiting at this point. Then a man who looks like a manager comes out with two police officers. This doesn't look good. He has brought protection. He then proceeds to tell us that nobody left in our line will probably get an iPhone 4. What?? Oh no he din't. Needless to say it's a good thing he brought protection because the animal instincts had returned. Everyone was like rabid chimpanzees grabbing the ropes keeping us in line, screaming and flailing everywhere. It was so crazy that people in line started yelling at each other. "Hey angry white trash man, why don't you stop yelling at the manager so we can have our shot at him." I planned my exit strategy. There was only a kiosk of bellybutton rings between me and the emergency exit. I expected the SWAT team with protective masks, shields and bean bag guns would show up for crowd control. However the ripple of the anger only last about 10 minutes. We all decided that Steve Jobs was the most ignorant man in existence for such a ridiculous system. The mix up had happened because everyone who was there was allowed to buy 2 iPhones, but they had only reserved 1 for each preorder. So all the preorder people were buying our iPhones. They tried to console us by telling us to get in another line that was starting that was to get on a list to get into a line for tomorrow. So we split up again with me maintaining our position in line.

11:30 AM: The same store manager reappears and all of the sudden they now magically have enough iPhones for some of us. We are all brimming with tears of joy and praising Steve Jobs as the most wonderful man in existance. Apple is by far the most brilliant company in existence and we are once again it's loyal followers. So the manager has a tally list and starts working his way down the line. We got on the list, but the cutoff was literally like 10 people behind us. If we'd have been just a footstep slower our fate would have differed.

12:30 AM: We have completed the 50 foot journey from our spot in line to the front of the Apple store. The store smells of new electronics and plastic glory. Genevieve and I bask in the glory of the small, yet perfect iPhone 4 box. I never knew a piece of technology could hold this much sway on your happiness.

All in all it was a weird experience where we made many friends and had a lot of good laughs. I think Apple planned it this way though, just to let all of us consumers know that they held the reigns and to make us want the iPhone 4 more than life itself. It worked.

Man's Best Friend...?

My one solace in the fiasco of moving has been that I would have my dog, Toby, to soften the blow. However, the little rat has become a trader. My parents recently updated from their bird Caroline to a Yorkie named Georgia. They shouldn't buy pets, instead they should put them on a three year lease. My mom's attention span and capability to love runs out quickly with animals. None the less, Georgia now resides with us and has stolen my Toby from me. It is a battle of the women over who's man he really is. Georgia has had the trump card this entire time since she is also 4 lbs and covered in hair. Yet I have something she doesn't, opposable thumbs. To win him back I have been sneaking him lots of unhealthy table scraps and giving him extra belly rubs. Finally today my tactics have succeeded. He is once again glued to my ankles. I think he felt bad for abandoning me because during our nap today he curled up on my neck and nestled his head under mine. It was a sweet enough gesture that I am considering taking him back, but he has to work harder to regain my full trust. For now though, I am happy to have my Toby-boy once again.

White Horse

So I'll be the first one to tell you that Taylor Swift is some kind of weird teenage fad that I just don't get. Up to this point all I knew of her was that Romeo Juliet song which I have heard a million and three times. But after some recent exposure by my sister to some of her music and being at the back end of a break up, her music is making a lot more sense. Crazy screaming fan? No. Okay with listening to her music? Yes. It's primarily based on teenage angst and heartbreak, but at times one needs a good cry or stick-it-to-em song to rock out to. Tonight when we were out driving this song came on and the floodgates opened.



Melodramatic? Perhaps. True? Yes.

C'est Moi

Due to a new found plethora of time I have decided to take the dive into the blogging world. I know, I know...a little late to the game. But what the heck, right? I thought for my first post it would be beneficial to give a little background on who I am and how I got here. I am a 22 year old graduate from Brigham Young University with a degree in Illustration who currently resides in my parents spare bedroom. I guess you could say I am earning a degree in life right now as opposed to actually applying the degree I have already obtained. I grew up in this same house in Allen, Texas for the larger part of my life. Being raised in the South (Carolinas and Texas), I am a firm believer in Southern hospitality, true gentlemen and fried food. I am a middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister. Consequently, I have been diagnosed with classic 'middle child syndrome.' In fact just recently my mom was looking at our childhood scrapbooks and said she had done my siblings' but not the scrapbook for the 'other one'. The 'other one' is me. However my family is by far the most important thing in my life. I have found out the hard way that through thick and thin, despite how hard you try, you cannot be rid of them...and I need people like that in my life. After living a settled life in Utah for the past four years, I have been thrown back into the rat race and am struggling to find my way. You could currently peg me as a 15 year old living in a 22 year olds body. I have no job, no home, practically no money and absolutely no idea what I am doing. I left all of that behind to start a new book in my life. Some people say they are starting a new chapter. For me this phrase is completely insufficient, it implies you are merely moving forward while building upon the past. I however, with the exception of my loyal dog Toby, am starting anew. So hopefully this blog will chronicle my future adventures and act as my personal peanut gallery. Or at least as a place to share my random joys and laughs with whoever cares to listen. Enjoy.